my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore

She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like she's failing at this parenting thing. Is it something we should split over? This went on for years. But no sex. my dad still wants to have sex but my mom is too tired and no longer comfortable with sex. Couple relationshipsthe pains and pleasures, the anxieties and comforts, the craziness and calm. Does Thunderbird mean anything to you? My first wife and I married when we were 21. Moving forward, the endless rejection led me to stop trying to initiate sex, because the repeated rejections is having an effect on my confidence and self esteem. about this, nothing will change. For many of us who have exhausted talking to our partners, asking to have their normal needs met, to be loved and shown love and to be valued and desired but have been met with silence, stares, okay, not interested, I am not in the mood or sleeping in separate rooms, your partner has betrayed your trust and your marriage with emotional and sexual blackmail. He masterbates quite often and I have come home to find him watching porn on the couch and masterbating. One of you simply wants sex more often than the other does. 90% of my enjoyment of sex is seeing her turned on an having a rip roaring time. This is not rocket science, bro. Is it me or does it seem like sex therapists and experts are lacking, some seem hedonistic? She will sit in bed on her phone though. Very few people in my club and I sincerely hope not many more people join, Mike G, So when your wife seems to frequently push you away and demonstrates through her words or actions that she has no interest in making love with you, this behavior is usually caused by a one or more triggering events. I bet if a man did ever6a woman does in one day he would not bitch about sex he would pass out. Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy and work through your issues together, as a team. But its not worth destroying something that you took years to build. She saw her doctor and prescribed a lube but it irritated her. If that is the way you feel I will respect that, but I need YOU to understand and RESPECT my needs. While its true that marriage isnt for everyone, it certainly isnt worthless. Feeling this discrepancyor feeling like your partner is always asking for sex when you don't want itcan make the lower-libido person feel pressured into having sex. I completely recovered and had to start my own business to share in the household expenses. Maddening! The question is, will we accept that fact, those facts, and act upon them in honorable fashion.? Instead of asking yourself something along the lines of, What to do when wife wont put out? ask your partner if theyd like to experience something different in bed. Please explain to me. Indifferent withholders like my wife NEVER get better and their partners either leave or become bitter! She cut me off completely about 10 years ago and refuses to even talk about sex when I try to bring it up. I am very hormonal being athletic and take DHEA supplements which enhance desire. We do love each other though. A husband must shoehorn that sex drive into the confines of marriage, where only his wife can accommodate it. Even if he cant accept the divorce is coming!!! I really miss the intimacy we used to have when we were sexual. NOw he works well and Im proud of him for that. Since this is our first child, I dont even know whats normal and what isnt. Hey Mike, I dont think you need a woman, I dont think drugs and orgasm are the best ways to deal with the pain dealt to you by the tragic loss of your loved one. Hello fingers!! 2 children later sex was still fun. It may sound strange, but I actually take some comfort out of reading other peoples comments and stories: I am not alone I also dearly love my wife and would never leave her, but a sexless life (10+ years) is the sad reality. Its is not your role. // IMPORTANT: Replace EXAMPLE with your forum shortname! Women don't always want to necessarily take care of their husbands, but when they love you, they do. Finally after 40yrs he tries to help and cares more now than at any point all the times before. When they stop they stop. I like the martyr thing, but its no B.S. Put simply, she needs me as a caregiver and husband, as our son and 5 grand kids moved away for church school 2 years ago. Hes no longer a sexy looking man, doesnt care about trying to make himself better, I still fight to try to look really good, no matter how I feel. However if these women get divorced they have a sexual oasis spring up again between their legs because they need to find a new nest. Its not all about sex its about intimacy, and that is missing. Or a genuine, romantic, butterflies-in-the-stomach exchange? I am 62 and much healthier than my wife. Willsounds like you live in the stone agesworks for you.but most woman like a say in whether they would like to be touched or not. There are many exceptions, but if you dont want me let me go elsewhere. As I mentioned before, the lack of physical contact can be due to a myriad of reasons.. BTWsome in your wifes position build great insurmountable resentment. Its not always the woman who has no interest. Unfortunately a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and under went surgery that shut me don sexually (I couldnt even masturbate any more) This has killed all hope we had to try and have a sexually normal marriage. At least between us. But connection and intimacy, and yes even sex, IS a need for many. That communication will be open and honest, and circumstances in lifegood or bad, should never break this mutual promise. Theres always a lot going on in the Senior Planet universe. Frankly, Im ready for a change of scene because this is like living with someone who it seems might be happier living off by himself. I love him and want to please him even if I feel nothing or just help him reach release. I am really starting to think that sex was not made for pleasure, but for reproduction and when the reproductive years end for a woman, so does her desire for sex diminishes or ends and men that still have a desire, suffer in silence or become broke from a divorce and visiting prostitutes. My guess is shes been trying to rid herself of me for many years but wants me to be the one to leave so she can save face with friends and family. We are both active and healthy. Even if it is difficult, do everything you can to put yourself in her shoes. Avoiding divorce, men have two choices, acceptance/celibacy or cheating. If only you could want . We still find a way a couple of times a month, but it took my husband a long time to not feel he was at fault. I work, cook, clean, fix I dont drink or do any drugs. Good luck. We often have no relationship with our partner outside of that shared with the children," OB/GYN Susan Hardwick-Smith, M.D., writes in her book Sexually Woke. And perhaps. Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me - He Rejects Your Hugs, Kisses, And Touch. What men want is for her to have some of that drive back. But this past 6 months I see things slipping and I feel we are not getting that closeness and are becoming more distant even though we do many things together. Am I doomed? 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. I hope you two can work it out. Answers where we can talk about it or Im busy right now. nuff said. Let them know how their refusal to engage with you sexually has affected you emotionally, physically, mentally and pyschologically. In a long-term relationship, the partner with the higher libidowhich is not always . Nothing is out of bounds! Take the good with the bad. Love will always outweigh the brief pleasure that $$ and status can provide. Grab Now! Married 10 years!!!! I have done the majority of housework including doing the major role of raising our children from Pre school to leaving home. The Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health published a study that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a womans sexual functions. Tell her how much I love her. 5 Marriage Problems That Most Couples Face And Their Solutions, My Wife Is Not Interested In Sex And Sometimes It Feels Like I Am Having It With A Dead Body. I have never, nor will I ever cheat. My functioning would be fine when engaging in sex with a woman for the first time, paid sex, and one night stands. Most importantly, a couple agrees that their marriage is built on a foundation of love and respect. She is my sister as far as Im concerned not my lover and I dont know what to do. I love him and still desire him (even though he lost his hair and gained a gut!!) I have many friends in this situation. I cuttle with her, hold her close, hold her hand in public and we talked about it. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. Take care of your body and mind! That may be one reasons why so many husbands. Sigh I dont even want to see anyone else. He just didnt want me and wanted to be left alone, in his world. I sense for it to get all the way to her not wanting to be touched whatsoever at all anymore, something must have happened. This kind of if the man would only be more __ advice saturates the internet and its usually written by people with degrees instead of wisdom. But dont give up! I have the same problem I love my wife but I need sex. Ive tried scheduling, bringing in sex toys, texting, dating, hugging and cuddling in bed you name it. It can be helpful to have this conversation with the help of a sexuality professional, such as a sex therapist or coach. If your wife avoids intimacy and this lack of intimacy is beginning to take a toll on your marital bliss, it is time to have an honest conversation with your spouse. I happen to like the situation I created and I will never change it. I felt like she just gave me away to anyone emotionally and physically. Here is what the problem is when it comes to SEX. She claims to always be tired anyway. And Im okay with that. I mean how do you do that if your married? why is he grumpy? 2009 - 2023 MindBodyGreen LLC. Or some reasons could be the female body experiencing pain, limitations, hormonal imbalances, etc. Especially if you once had a healthy and active sex life. Guys need intimacy too as well as sex and we love our spouses too. Here are some possible openings finesse one or more of these to fit your comfort and style: I strongly suggest that you see a sex therapist (find one in your location) or a sex-savvy counselor for guidance. She know eccatly what shes doing. My best friend. We does not seeem to need to hug or cuddle either. But. Its bad. Start by losing the weight, shaving the body, washing daily, put some effort into youre own self and for Christs sake, clean up after yourself. That feeling lasts for several days afterwards. Blah blah blah. Youre right that its a huge, painful problem. From so many different angles I cannot begin to list. Got thru menopause with that help. You have (understandable) guilt and shame about sex, undoubtedly influenced by your current predicament and the old trauma of feeling rejected during your first long-term partnership. You need boundaries to actively live yours in a healthy manner without them in your bedroom. I did some self searching and recognized that the marriage had been one of convenience and the love wasnt there for me. ( I told him about the job opening). 1. Sometimes I wish he would go. That is love. Ive even had the gumption to suggest that if HE doesnt desire sex, then maybe he could still give me pleasure. So maybe try treating he how you did when first met. If your sex life is devoid of experimenting with new sexual positions, role play, dressing up, creating a sensual ambiance, theres a chance that the same sexual routine has become boring and tiresome for your wife and she has started avoiding all physical contact. Weve been married for 26 years, she is 51, and she has had maybe 4 years total where she was interested in sex. Research published by the National Marriage Project found that couples who make time for date night experience benefits, such as increased sexual satisfaction, improved communication skills, and injecting excitement and passion back into their relationship. Sex is extremely painful, regardless of whatever I use to try and counteract the problem. Just because one grows older doesnt mean that sex is over. That way both of our sex drive would be fairly low Im a good looking hard-working big hearted man and I immediately told her you better well I dont wanna hurt you. If your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may not be a low libido so much as a poor mom-life balance thats getting in the way of things. Foreplay isnt just in the bedroom before sex. It is not the loss of testicles as much as the loss of the prostate gland. My only suggestion would be to get out of this marriage and fast. If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. When I was single it didnt bother me I just figured I was easily bored sexually. When someone Denys you something so fundamentally important, it is Not Cheating to While women understand that, men refuse to comprehend that arousal is complex for women. About ten months ago she started yelling at me whenever I put my arms around her. Ive slept in my own bedroom for 43 of those years. The marriage is fine except for the sex. 80s, are victims of the same injustice and gender paradigms you are experiencing. Nobody tells you about this stuff in premarital counseling Trying to feel sexual and struggle through it and pretend is so hard, and brings me only sadness that I have to pretend after years of being honest. I just had to click on this to see how times have changed. Want to know why? Leah 09. He didnt see me and since that day, my attitude towards him has changed. I suggested just me doing him and he close his eyes and touch me nope. I have always loved sex with my hubby, but after menopause, that all changed for the worse. There are always two sides to a story, and I dont want to paint her as an uncaring wife. An endocrinologist told me he had never seen that before. When a woman notices that you have an affinity for what she loves, she gets curious, thereby increasing her desire for you. We used lubricant but it still wasnt very effective the last time. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter. With the help of psychotherapist Gopa Khan (Masters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), who specializes in marriage and family counseling, lets unravel the reasons behind why theres no intimacy in your marriage from your wife, so you can ascertain the difference between an unloving wife or one who has subliminally been trying to send you a message. So, youre going to break up a marriage of 43 years, because you dont want to masturbate. I have the same problem and there isnt a answer. I love my wife dearly after 52 years and great grandchildren I would have my junk removed before I hurt my family and our long marriage is a point of great pride and example for these people God allowed us to have in our lives. I also recognize he has no intentions of changing. Sometimes the answers are only inside of us. I am male. Her duty? You were something new, mysterious, independently confident, self-respecting, self-motivated and unpredictable. Im 57 and my husband is 56 years old. Sex was great and plentiful in beginning (weve been together 32yrs), but he has lost all interest and I havent had sex in years. A womans lack of interest in physical intimacy can be quite an intriguing puzzle to solve. An underlying, undetectedmental health issue can affect sex drive. As we age, women and men need to feel desired and appealing to our partners. If both parties dont want to change things (and only one does) then unfortunately the situation is probably doomed. Do I disgust her? My wife and my sex life was pretty damn good before she developed breast cancer and had a double mastectomy, even though she went through early menopause (in her 40s). This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are not as willing to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. I agree 100%. My husband never had my love of sex. That leads to I dont like you. Most importantly, talk to her about it! However, unless you know why your wife is avoiding sex or any forms of physical intimacy, you wont know what you need to work on. Nothing physical. In most cases, Ive seen that men dont realize and acknowledge the needs of their wives. If your vagina is dry, find out why. I agree with Roger, I get more laughs, and more insight, from the comment section! We are all misogynistic pigs that just need a hole for our poles. There is some offensiveness directed towards men but I can benefit from your observations. We did have sex on occasion but we would go months in between, not my idea, finally he stopped and said he had no more interest or ambition to have sex. I actually stopped having sex with her last night because she told me to hurry up. I wonder if it could be depression (something he wouldnt admit to), but its been going on a long time. . Yet she constantly professes love. I understand that some people accept this type of relationship and just crave a good friend and companion for the rest of their life. What to do about it: Using lube can help immensely with vaginal dryness and pain, and including more clitoral stimulation and sex toys can help make sure sexual experiences continue to be pleasurable for your wife. She has just lost interest. Am I undesirable? "Feeling expected to have sex a certain way, or feeling like you need to have intercourse if you explore desire with your partner, can actually strangle a woman's libido over time.". Where is their allegiance to you? When I have a follow up, with a surgeon next month, even though it is not cancer, I will discuss wether or not I should give up the vaginal hormone. Shes my buddy. Save yourself it is merely self preservation. My husband and I both have gained weight. Thats a humiliating feeling. Life is so wonderful! he is very persistent. A study published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women had more difficulty staying focused during intimacy and lower arousal levels when under stress. He may still be impotent after surgery, no guarantees. Have sexual experiences together that don't revolve around intercourse. Discuss it with her: Share this iMOM article with your wife and discuss it: 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood. Life is complicated at every age but I think as people age, hormone levels drop of course and the baggage of decades gone by begins to weigh heavy on both parties. Being a mom is a 24-7 job with a constant cycle of happiness, stress, and worry. Ive tried vacations, dates, sex toys, lubricants, vitamins, blah blah blah..when a gal is not sexually attracted to you and is generally more than willing to never have sex again cuz (insert the reason I dont understand here) shes not going to change at 70. Shes sorry, but I love her and say its ok. Youre describing my dilemma to a tee. only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. We havent had sex in months. She asked me to get castrated because Sex is hurting her. In such a case, it could be the reason why your wife avoids intimacy. I just gave up. Its like shes ashamed of her vagina.

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